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Sunday, July 27, 2008

Meet Marianne

This is so sad to me but this is a true thing that is happening right now. Doctors are diagnosing and medicating for ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). Read about it, it's awful! If only they knew the Lord and obeyed His ways! I often get caught up with my children's behavior and think how far it is from what I want ( or from what the Lord would want). And they are, we are definitely still working! But I have the Lord on my side! I am obeying His Word and I do have rest and peace. Not all the time but I truly enjoy my children and welcome more! My children love to please me and be with me. I love to include them in my life. Some people can't wait for school to start and they send their children away from them . I just couldn't see doing that. I want my children with me. I want to mold their little minds and train them up for the Lord! I couldn't stand being away from them all that time. They are precious and our time with them is quickly passing by. As my dear friend recently said to me "Children are a deep blessing from the Lord." Anyway, read this sad story. Then buy several copies of To Train Up A Child and pass them out to anyone you see struggling.


Pre School Marianne
Marianne is now 4 years old. Her parents were very excited when she turned four that perhaps that would mean that the terrible twos were finally over. They were not. Her parents are very grateful that the Grandparents are nearby. The grandparents are grateful that Marianne's aunts and uncles live nearby. Marianne's Aunt is grateful that this is her niece, not her daughter. Why? Marianne requires an incredible combination of strength, patience, and endurance.
Marianne begins her day by getting up early and making noise. Her father unfortunately has mentioned how much this bothers him. So she turns on the TV, or if that has been mysteriously disconnected, bangs things around until her parents come out. Breakfast is the first battleground of the day. Marianne does not like what is being served once it is placed in front of her. She seems to be able to sense how hurried her parents are. When they are very rushed, she is more stubborn and might refuse it altogether. It would be a safe bet that she would tell her Mom that the toast tastes like poop. This gets her the first “time out” of the day.
In the mornings she goes to pre-school or goes off with her grandmother or over to her aunts. Otherwise Marianne's mother is unable to do anything. Marianne can not entertain herself for more than a few moments. She likes to spend her time purposefully annoying her mom, at least so it seems. Marianne will demand over and over that she wants something. For example, playdough. She knows it must be made first. So her mom finally gives in and makes it. Marianne plays with it about one minute and says, " Let’s do something" . Her mother reminds her that they are doing something, the very thing that Marianne has been demanding for the last hour. " No, Lets do something else"
So after Marianne's mother screamed so hard she was hoarse when her husband came home, Marianne gets to go out almost every morning. At preschool she is almost perfect, but will not ever do exactly what the teacher wants. Only once has she had a tantrum there. Marianne gets along with the other children as long as she can tell them what to do.
Her grandmother and Aunt all follow the same “time out” plan. This means she goes to a certain room until she calms down. The room is empty now at Marianne's grandmother. Marianne broke the toys, and they were removed. She banged the furniture around and it was removed. What sets Marianne off is not getting to do what Marianne wants. She screams, tells people she hates them, and swings pretty hard for a four old. After a half hour it is usually over, but not always. Marianne will usually tell her mom or Grandmother about these tantrums. The story is always twisted a little. For example, Marianne will tell her Grandmother that her mom locked her in her room because she was watching TV. Her grandmother used to believe these stories, and Marianne could tell the whole story of how she was watching this show, and her mom just came in and dragged her to her room. Now it turns out that Grandma doesn't think much of TV anyways, and so this made a certain amount of sense to her. This led to more than one heated argument between the Grandma and her mom. Of course there was almost no truth to this at all. It took the tables being turned for the Grandma to really believe that her Granddaughter could set up an argument like this. Marianne came home and told her mom that Grandma let her eat four cookies and an ice cream cone for a treat and that she was very full. Marianne's mom doesn't think much of treats, and could see how this might happen and thought she would have to talk to her mom. Finally they both realized what Marianne was doing.
Most of the afternoon with Marianne is spent chasing her around trying to wear her out. It doesn't seem to work, but it is worth a try. When she is at her aunts, she tries to wreck her cousin’s stuff. When is she good? When there are no other cousins around and she has the complete attention of her Aunt or Grandpa.
Marianne loves the bedtime battle. She also loves to go to the Mall. But she never gets to go there or hardly anywhere else. She acts up so badly that her family is very embarrassed. Her mother shops and visits only when Marianne goes to preschool. It is hard to know who is more excited about Marianne going to school next year, her mother or Marianne!

4 comments:

JeremyNSunny said...

Uggh, that story leaves me with heaviness in my heart because so many out there, many of our own loved ones included, endure similar situations in their homes ... every.single.day. (sigh)

Thank you for the reminder to make ourselves available and visible, so that those who might be open to some new information will know where to start looking for some answers. Having older children, now (back to that), has taken us largely out of the 'training' circles. [Not that the training has stopped -goodness- -if only- ... just that it's almost never necessary in public anymore! Praise God! (no surprise here >> ) His way works! I LOVE Him!

Joanne said...

:(
Tylor used to struggle with things like this, but that was before we had the Lord. 'They' wanted me to put him on drugs :( I refused to drug him. Obviously he didn't need the drugs; his mother (me!) just needed the Lord and he soon followed.
God is good and His ways are perfect. The Bible has all the parenting advice one would ever need.
I praise God daily for the changes in Tylor. At almost 15, he is a joy to have around and an asset to the family. He's not perfect, but the struggles he has now are so different from what they used to be! He is a great example for the younger ones and I am so thankful for that.

This story makes me very sad. We see these children EVERYWHERE .. and more and more of them seem to be springing up all the time. The parents are usually looking for a quick fix, not realizing it goes so much deaper than that :( I pray for them when we see them (in the stores, at the park, in our own house when family comes to visit, etc.) They need the Lord and they need to make Him Lord of their lives!

In Christ,
Joanne

blackberrycottage said...

Hello,
This is my fisrt visit to your blog. I found you by way of Joanne.
I read your post and the story of Marianne.
I am a Mum of 6 and our older three are married. I have grandchildren. I homeschool our youngest two who are 8 and 10. Our 10 year old daughter could be Marianne. I have raised four older children and the last two (I had in my late 30's) have been very colourful children (I run a blog on this to help support parents of colourful kids http://colourfulchildren.blogspot.com)
what I want to say that it is really hard when you are raising the colourful child. We love the Lord and raise our family to love the Lord but sometimes these colourful children buck the system no matter what. I don't have the relief of waking up and thinking at least I will send my colourful daughter to school so I can get a break. I don't have the relief of having parents, aunties or cousins to help or send my children to. Everyday I struggle but for whatever reason, the Lord made our daughter who she is and I must learn what it is He has for me to learn from trying to raise this trying, defiant child - who also has a heart to love and be gentle. I agree with Joanne who says they need the Lord in their lives. We are a Christian home. We do the best we can. I always value talking with other Mums who have walked the same journey we are on - so I can be assured there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
bless you and congratulations on your 6th blessing being knitted together by the Lord.
Sandra in New Zealand

Trask Family said...

Hello Sandra,
It is nice to "meet" you! Thank you for taking the time to tell me about your children. I remember one of the first things one of my sisters in Christ shared with me 5 years ago when I got saved. She said if you believe in Christ then that means obeying His word and that means spanking your children. I was a very strong advocate against spanking. I believed in time outs and other things. In any case, my world changed when I began applying what the Lord says to do in His word. It was and still can be hard but I have seen the fruit. I now have sweet relationships with my children and they know that I love them. My point in this sad story about Marianne is that people do not follow God's word as their guide book for raising children and they reap the sour consequences. I do not think that children should be pawned off on someone else, they are mine and I want them with me, hence one of the many reasons I homeschool! From what I read in the story this child desperately wants time with her mommy, real time, not just something to occupy her for a few minutes. She wants her mommy to enjoy spending LOTS of time with her. It just sounded like this mommy needed the Lord and to obey His word. Like I said I am not perfect and my children are not perfect but they are happy and secure and know their boundaries because I take the Bible very seriously. I think that ODD is a made up thing that could be cured with diet and obedience issues corrected. I'm sure there is a rare case of a real mental imbalance but I see many parents causing their own problem children. I'm not saying any of this about you but just what I have seen in the world. I do not know you or your situation. There is a book called To Train Up A Child that helped me so much. Their website is www.nogreaterjoy.org and they also have articles that you can read from past issues. My goal is to have my children obey me because the Bible says that it will be "Well with THEM and THEY will live long on the earth." The first commandment with promise! The Lord is so good and I know He can help anyone with even the most disobedient child if we will only go to Him instead of the world.
Have a blessed day in Jesus!

In Christ,
Jenny